I also just had another run in with Ippon on the forum.
I look at how much stress this game has been causing me recently; not just me, but others, and I find myself re-evaluating.
There is some positive stuff still here. This blog, and the fact that I can log in and still get on an alt, do a 5 man with some people, and have some fun.
I find the forum damaging. The message I get consistently whenever I'm there is, "Stop writing as though you know something about this game, when you really don't have any clue whatsoever."
I can't help anyone, either; because even when I try and quote links to the opinions of someone who would be accepted as knowing what they're talking about, in answer to a question there, even that will very often get me attacked.
I think perhaps it's time to give them what they want; at least for a week or so. I'm not going to quit; I can still have enough fun on my own that I don't need to do that; but I think perhaps it's time to become a little quieter.
I think maybe I wrote on here earlier about a friend I had a few years ago who couldn't come to terms with the way the world is, in the way that we're apparently supposed to when we become adults; the way Alumatine has been telling me to. To accept the status quo; the fact that the very worst people among us are those who actually govern us; that people like Ippon rule this planet.
The friend of mine couldn't do that, so the world was ultimately able, as it turned out, to force him to accept the only other alternative it was willing to offer him; suicide.
I haven't accepted that. At times I fight, at least psychologically, until I'm forced to retreat, and I've spent most of my life in hiding. Hiding because I can't submit to them, I can't fight them, and I can't run from them. There's nowhere to run to.
I've tried to submit to them before; I went to a government college, and for a limited time had a sales job, once. I lied through my teeth to get it; the entire resume was one giant tissue of lies. Then I had the job where they were going to pay me to lie to people some more. I didn't want to get paid for lying to people, so I quit.
Then a year or two later, my father found another job, and I went to work there for few weeks. It was similar to the first; I rang strangers out of a phone book, and told them lies to get them to pay for a form of advertising that truthfully they'd get no use out of. When I successfully conned someone, I got a commission.
The absolute worst thing though was when my father got involved in a multi level marketing company. Dad had me as a distributor there for a while, too. The name of the game there was to tell people a large amount of high pressure lies and false rationalisations to get them to pay for a large number of overpriced products. The most effective liars in that business were multimillionaires; they had a lot of incentive to learn to lie as effectively and as compellingly as possible, and many of them did.
Not long after that, my brother got another job where he got fired because he refused to get drunk at a pub with his workmates after work. I'd also spent my childhood seeing films like The Secret of My Success where the protagonist in that film got to the top of the company due to who he had sex with and spending time on the golf course, not because he did any actual work.
That's what it's all about as a Hunter too, if you go into the forums. You have to make sure you do what conforms to other people's expectations if you want to get anywhere.
The Tom Chiltons, the Ippons, the George Bushes, the Dick Cheneys, and the Adolf Hitlers rule us all. None of us like it, but most of us accept it, because, as Alumatine said to me, "You can't change the world. You just have to adapt to it."
They rule, and they laugh, and they die peacefully in their beds at the end of it. The innocent are punished in every way possible, while the guilty walk free.
Some of the rest of us go mad; some of us commit suicide; some die of cancer. Rilgon quits WoW, Chilton continues destroying it, laughing maniacally as he does so, and I am demoralised, empty, and utterly spent.
Now I will sleep; I will regroup, I will spend time alone, and I will fade away.
Feign Death is the Hunter's last defense.