Monday, April 14, 2008

So I guess I won't raid

I'm in the forum this morning, writing to people as usual. I'm also hearing the ever-present background chant of, "Spec BM or GTFO," although it's perhaps a little more sleepy and subdued than normal.

I'm at the point with that now, that I've been at whenever I've been confronted with anything else similar in my life. Where I basically feel as though I'm being demanded to do something I will dislike doing, (in this case, spec BM) in order to supposedly get ahead.

Ippon said I'll never be in an accomplished guild. Fine. I won't. I've realised that for myself, it really isn't something that I genuinely want to do, for the most part. The only real reason why I was going to try and do it was in order to attempt to buy credibility with the other WoW players I interact with, and truthfully I've known all along that that was the wrong reason. I'd like to maybe pug AQ and some of the older raids, but I really have no interest in TBC content at all, for the most part.

For the record, though, just so that Ippon or whoever else is reading this that thinks like him, can feel truly justified and certain of themselves in their superiority, here's a few other things I'll never be, for the record.

I'll never be employed.

I'll never be earning an income of any form. If I lose the place I'm currently in, it's either my mother's, or the street.

I'll possibly never be in another relationship.

I'll never be in a scenario again where I really experience the sense of having a genetic family, whether immediate or extended, which is something I grew up with.

I can honestly list these things off however while feeling completely emotionally neutral, because here's the thing that is important to me.

The only thing that matters to me; the only thing that I truly, genuinely care about now, is not being in a scenario where (unless by choice) I am answerable to any other living person. I was forced to do that for probably 27 of my 31 years of life, and I will do it no longer. Most of the rest of you go through your entire lives, from cradle to grave, where you are ruled by any one of a number of other individuals, and you are apparently fine with it.

I, on the other hand, cannot, will not. I do not get up to an alarm clock. I do not go to bed at any time arbitrarily set by anyone else, either. I do not eat, or engage in any other form of activity whatsoever, unless it is entirely at my own whim.

Here's some other things though, that I won't be doing.

I won't be lying to, stealing from, cheating, or killing anyone (whether directly or indirectly) for economic, political, social, or professional gain.

I won't be getting sexual or other forms of diseases that generally come from interaction with other human beings, or giving those to anyone else.

I won't be consuming food, alcohol, or drugs that are actually physically detrimental to me, due to the social pressures of others, or pressuring anyone else to consume them.

I won't be buying consumer electronics that are socially, physically, and environmentally destructive.

I won't be engaging in offline social interactions of a kind that used to be extremely emotionally painful and disruptive to me and others.

I don't understand why I am the way I am, and I don't always wish for it, either. It isn't always an easy existence. Ippon, you may feel as thoroughly and as abundantly superior to me as you wish; I give you my blessing in doing so.

Because in reality, I've got what I want. It's taken my entire life to finally get it.

No comments: